Part 7: It's Hardly Bath Water

VII - It's Hardly Bath Water



This place sucks, let's go somewhere else.



I'm sure many of you noticed at least one other object on this screen last time that I didn't call attention to. I'm sure Alexander can smell it, if nothing else.

dark tomato

Alexander takes a close look at the tomato on the ground. It appears to be darker than those on the vines.
Whaddaya starin' at there, boy! Go away, ya rootless thing, ya.
Yup. That tomato is definitely rotten!

You know, he's just a tomato on the ground, but I think we can make friends with him.

How did you manage to fall off the vine, Mr. Tomato?
Whaddya think? I'm old. I'm rotten. Leave me alone!
If you say so...
After all, you're just gonna let me sit here and rot on this dry ground like everybody else, aren't ya?
I could easily take you with me if you want.
Just go away!



Hey! Whaddaya think yer doin' there! Get yer hands off me! Hey!
Alexander picks up Rotten Tomato and puts him away. One never knows when one will need a rotten tomato.

And while we're at it...

The scarf is made of red silk.
The silky red scarf would not make a very good accessory for Alexander's wardrobe.

The old, rotten tomato gives Alexander a mean look and grumbles sourly.
Hands off, you! (For trying to "use" him)
Put me down! Right now! Ya ignorant <mutter> <grumble> two-legged beast, ya!
Where were ya born, a BARN? It's a pig sty back here! All this STUFF ya got! Whaddya wanna carry all this trash around for?
I gotta lawyer, ya know! There's kidnappin' laws in this here kingdom!
Yer ugly and ya smell bad! Put me down before I juice all over ya!
Whaddya want from me? A re-cer-tation or somethin'? Leave me alone!

Rotten Tomato, for some reason, lags the fuck out of the inventory when it's open. Text boxes never advance and so the audio gets super desynced. Clicking off fixes it, at least.



Oh and there's one more thing on the screen....

lettuce
Ye gads, is that cold

Alexander is carrying a full head of a queer-looking lettuce made of ice. The lettuce is rapidly melting.
The iceberg lettuce is cold, wet, and not good eating.

Carrying the lettuce is actually timed, and there are multiple item icons for it being in a state of semi-melted-ness. I don't care enough to wait around to get shots of them, so just imagine with a similarly-colored puddle around the bottom.

Also I'm sure you can imagine where we need to use this lettuce. So let's zoom right on over before it melts!

South x2






Dangling Participle

Oh no. It's back. It's happening again. Get out of my head!

north



I felt so clever when I figured this out on my own as a kid.

pond

Hoping to cool down the boiling pond, Alexander throws in a head of iceberg lettuce.



The pond's water slowly stops boiling, cooled by the ice. It still looks hot, but bearable.

Now we can cross the pond!

across pond
Alexander decides to brave the steaming pond.



OUCH! OW! OOH! OUCH!
The pond is no longer boiling, but it's hardly bath water.

Our hero, ladies and gentlemen. Also Alex will now do that animation every time he crosses the pond for the rest of the game.

lamp



The lamp peddler leaves the marketplace as soon as you get the map, mostly to prevent you from fucking yourself over long before you know which ending path you're going down. If we gave away this lamp now, we not only would lock ourself out of the best ending path, but we'd probably actually get the single worst ending possible by accident.

north



The Gardener

As Alexander continues down the path, he gets the strange feeling that he's being watched.
Come on over and see what I'm doin' with these flowers. Never mind that stone fella on top of the gate. He won't hurt you any--he's just there to scare you.



Seems legit. That's definitely not Shamir Shamazel trying to get us killed.

I'm pretty sure you're the Vizier's genie that's been following me around and trying to get me killed. The one who warned those really dumb gnomes about me.
Yeah they were pretty-- I mean, no I'm not! I'm Fufucha, I'm the head of the Botanist's guild in Gridania.
Gridania's a long way away. I know the walls between worlds are weak here, but you need to try better.
Well why don't you come over here and show me how it's done mister smarty pants?
You've been trying to get me killed for the past several days.
I AM a lalafell! That's kinda what we do.
Let's try this again... I'm Alexander of Daventry. Who are you?
I already told you. Oh never mind. What difference does it make? Just come on over here. I'll tell you my life history, if you still want to hear it <hee>.
Tell me...
If it's conversation you want, just come on over here. I'll talk your ears off if we can sit down and talk face-to-face.

And after everything our gardener friend says, his eyes twinkle. This is very obviously a trap. So, when in Rome...



Ha, ha, ha! Got you this time!





I signed up for this when I restarted this project.



The archer will kill us dead if we walk through the gate. And every step Alex makes, it will pivot to track him.

wall
The stone archer would undoubtedly shoot Alexander long before he managed to climb up the wall to try that!

The archer is a puzzle we can't complete for a while yet. We'll need something we find at the site of the next exam. But to accomplish that...

A brick lies in the grass. It must have come from the old brick wall.

We'll need a brick. Also as a bonus, you can see where the brick fell out! Scroll up and take a look. Anyway, we'll just leave Shamir alone.

west

You aren't going to listen to me, are you? Well, we'll just see about that!



That's odd. The gardener just disappeared.



Back to this thing we go. Ugh... this music.

There's an odd little creature dangling from that tree branch.
Hello, friend. Aren't you an odd-looking little fellow?
Am not! Odd-looking YOU are!
OH! I'm sorry. I didn't realize you could speak.
Speak not? Funny is! Speech I am and nothing BUT!
You speak strangely, friend.
Strange my speech is not! Eloquence I speak with!
But who are you, and why are you here?
Away I fly, my home from. Lost I am therefore! <sigh> As my name to--can you guess not? It's what I do this branch with, and the way I speak of.
Ah. You're a dangling participle. I think.
Correct you are.
If you're lost, perhaps I can take you home.
Take me home to? Think NOT I do! Know you I do not.
There's someone on another island who's looking for you. Please come with me.
Stranger you are. Leave with you I will not.

I think there used to be a rule in GBS where you couldn't end a sentence in a dangling participle. That may still be the rule. It's been a few years since I ventured thataway.



Alexander holds the sentence out to the creature.
This sentence seems in need of an ending. Perhaps you could finish it?
Where are you going.... Where are you going...?! Know it I DO!! Where are you going TO!!!! Like you I do! Go I with you!



Well! That was certainly interesting! It looks like Alexander now has a passenger.



We're getting quite the collection of stuff.

Oh GOD what IS that thing?
Saying hello I am to you too.
What is WRONG with you? Why would you stuff that thing in your pants?

One end of the creature resembles a miniature dragon, while the other looks like a possum. What a strange-looking fellow!
Tickle me not!

Time to return to the bookworm. Hopefully you'll understand why I don't bother giving directions from here.



This is the last time we ever have to visit this screen. I know, I'm saddened too.

books
Do you have anything interesting yet?



I found this little fellow lost on another island.



Coming home, I am now TO!
THERE you are, you naughty boy! I TOLD you not to leave the island!
Glad I am, seeing you too!
A most solemn celebration
GooEEEoo!
So, you found my dangling participle! I suppose I'll have to give you something. Let's see now, was it a rare book you wanted?
Yes, sir.
Well, then none of THESE will do. They've been sitting in the sun far too long and must be well-cooked by now.



Bookworm is holding a new book.

THIS one is far more rare. A delicious little tidbit.
Uh, thanks.

We now have a rare book, at least. So we can get the spell book from Ali. Sounds like it's time for us to return to town!



Alexander is carrying a 'rare' book from the bookworm. The words on the binding are very faint; "The <something> <something> Riddle Book."

We need to look at the book to get maximum points, so...







The book contains riddles and has a page missing. Alexander glances at a few of the conundrums, but finds himself more curious about the one that is missing. What was the riddle, he wonders. More importantly, what was the answer?

Call it a hunch, but I think we've already seen the answer.



Same border style, and the red could easily be faded or even just dimmer because it's smaller. This is what leads me to think the riddle is one we'll be seeing much, much later in the game because it would give a sense of closure to the whole thing.

west



Back to the Isle of the Crown we go!



NEXT TIME: A bunch of optional points

List of Points

+1 - Alex made a rotten friend!
+1 - Frozen lettuce
+4 - Simmering Pond
+1 - Old lamp...
+1 - Brick joke
+2 - Speech he is
+2 - Coming home he is to
+1 - The rare book is damaged!

Total Points: 65/231

Register of Deaths

An arrow-neous move